When the shell crates are empty and NATO’s still circling the bureaucracy drain, you improvise with whatever’s sticky, stinks, and might make a Russian grunt rethink his life choices.

He was nothing and nobody, and nobody cared, and he thought that everyone was watching him, that even I was watching him.

Liverpool said they were devastated. "It is a remarkable achievement for a small guy that came from Gondomar, where I had this dream," Jota said on Liverpool’s website of winning the Premier League.